Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
