She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
