I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
