A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
