We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
