I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
