Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
it was like eating out sand paper
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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