i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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