Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
