This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
