I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
