I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
