i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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