Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
