You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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