Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
