She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize