Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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