ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize