I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
