Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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