oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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