Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I wear drunk well.
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