the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
