He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
