new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
