Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
