were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
