one two three fourrrrnication!
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
