the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
