She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
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after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
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Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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