you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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