naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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