you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
