batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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