The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
