you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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