I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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