You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Randomize
