she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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