Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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