Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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