ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
