hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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