Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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