Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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