So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
