So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
