i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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