Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
