Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
