Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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