He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
