i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
