Your tits are I can't wait for
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
