I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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