Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
