whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
