awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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