shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
