forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
