How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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