All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
