If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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