what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
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I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
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Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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