Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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