I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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