this just has baby written all over it
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
